Yesterday, I was listening to a workshop on making transformative change and the trainer mentioned something so simple, so true, and so easy to forget.
He said that our beliefs beat the truth every time.
What he meant is that we rise to the level of our beliefs and not what may be true. For example, if you believe that you are not capable of handling your personal finances, no matter what the truth may be, your thoughts, behaviors, and actions will reflect that belief.
The truth is that you are, without a doubt, capable of handling your personal finances! But as long as we believe that it is too much or too overwhelming, that will be the world we operate in.
There was a time in my life when I did not believe I could figure out the world of personal finance. This led me to relinquish my power and avoid things altogether when it came to money. For example, I called my dad every time I had a question. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my father, but by outsourcing my power to him, I was shifting responsibility and in my mind, this kept me safe and protected. Or so I thought.
In reality, by leaning on him for every little question I had, without doing my own research or thinking first, I was inadvertently chipping away at my confidence to learn for myself. This is not to say you should not ask for help or advice from people you trust. I am simply saying, by believing that you are capable of making these decisions for yourself, you will grow your confidence and ask better questions if/when they do come up.
Another belief that I held was that it was indulgent to spend money on myself. This led me to feel shame or guilt whenever I got myself a special coffee or bought myself a new t-shirt. And because I was lost in negative emotions whenever I bought things, I lost opportunities to learn how to spend with my values or on things that genuinely made me happier.
Things only changed when a good friend of mine compassionately told me to get it together. She pointed me to a resource to start educating myself, which led me to tap into my curiosity and start building knowledge across the personal finance world.
It was slow work, but in just a few years I have updated all of my money beliefs. And I am the more confident, level-headed, and knowledgeable version of myself for it.
Now, I have my own framework and perspective on money. I no longer find it overwhelming and, ironically, have built a very simple and effective personal finance system (yes money can be simple!). I know my money values and spend accordingly with ease. And I even started coaching others on how to start their unique personal finance journey in a positive and productive way.
I’d like to offer some guidance on how you can better understand your beliefs about money. This is your starting place. And then we can talk through how to build your ideal money self so that you can take 1 step today to get closer to that version of you!
Start here: Spend 10-15 minutes on the questions below and see what you come up with:
- What was your earliest money memory? How do you remember feeling? Why?
- What did you hear in your household growing up about money? Do those same things show up in your life now? How?
- What were your last three purchases? How did you feel buying those items? How did you feel 12 hours after, if anything?
- When you think about money, what are the 3-5 words that come up for you?
Highlight where you see beliefs. An easy example is that if you wrote down “money is scary” for question 4, you should highlight that. Money is not inherently scary, it is a characteristic we give it.
The next part is a bit more complicated and might benefit from sitting down with a coach. However, you can update your money beliefs on your own as well. First, envision what it would look and feel like to have your ideal money psychology or outlook. For each feeling, behavior, or setting you notice about this ideal version, write down 2-3 behaviors that a person with that outlook would do. Finally pick 1-2 things you can do this week to embody that ideal version of yourself.
You have the ability to change the way you feel and see money by updating the beliefs that are no longer serving you. I know it is possible because I’ve done it! And I believe and know that you can too.
Let me know in the comments what money belief you want to update and what your ideal self would do if they had an updated belief system.
I believe in you,
Your personal finance friend